(zhi helped sew this 'tag' on her brother's pants. she wants to use the sewing machine now all the time, and i am inching my way toward finding comfort with this new development. i mean, she's only 5! the needle goes so fast. but she's asking a lot, so i'm gonna go for it. she was so proud to have had a part in making these. )
(max's are a little big right now, so we're rolling the waist band over which is cute, luckily.)
(these are the only shots i could get of her this day. she was not into posing for me)
these are the first two pairs of cozy pants i've made so far this season. (olive's are almost done, too!) cozy corduroy, lined with flannel, or flannel like brushed cotton in max's case. they are reversible! i copied the way my mom made the kids some pants a few years ago, lined and reversible, and they are sweet. i don't know how much longer i'm going to be able to get away with the elastic waist band for them, before it is just not 'cool' anymore, but for now, i'm getting away with it. i mean, i wouldn't wear pants like this, i don't think. would i?? ummmm, not ones that are so bunched in the waist. i'm definitely going to have to refine the style and the slickness there soon. anyways. these are cute, and they have been wearing them a lot. before the near-record high days we are having this week, upper 70s, after this scene below just one week ago. boulder is certifiably undecided in her weather.
my experience with crafting as a spiritual mirror for reflecting where i’m challenged.
last night, i sat down, after the kids were asleep, to start a new sewing project. i already had the pattern chosen, so...
first thing i had to do was choose the fabric. that took up too much of my precious little bit of time, i thought. so see, the first hurdle that felt uncomfortably high that i had to jump, or stop and stare at as i did, was the feeling of overwhelm by what i wanted to accomplish, QUICKLY, and by how long it was actually taking me. i could have just closed my eyes and picked something randomly and saved a lot of time like that, but picking the fabric is one of my favorite parts of sewing. so the hurdle was asking me to breathe through the panic i was feeling about how long it was really going to take to make this shirt, the way i wanted to. slowly and deliberately. i want to feel that luxurious feeling of being able to go slow, but i put so much pressure on myself to use my time as efficiently as humanly possible. i finally chose, and then had to look at the next hurdle. commitment. as i began cutting into the fabric, i was committing, for the time being at least. i can only commit to the moment, but when you’re cutting beautiful fabric, it’s usually a pretty potent moment, for me anyways. the fabric will never be the same, it will never have the potential it had before. it is now limited, or i perceive it that way. this hurdle asked me, can you commit to this moment. can you commit to what you are doing? i thought about it, and realized my only other choice was to abandon the moment and cut without full presence, so that was an easy hurdle once i got to that understanding. can you be present, or not? this actually feels the same as the first hurdle when i really look at it. the first one asked me, can you be present with your current pace? the second, can you be present with your current choice.
okay, then it was time to go watch a little bit of madman with my mad man, and the hurdle i came to , asked me, can you feel good about what you just did, the steps you just took toward this new goal you’ve made for yourself? it’s not like i sat down and whipped my little girl’s shirt up in one evening, like i always somehow secretly hope i will do. but i really did feel good about the little steps i took. and being asked to acknowledge that felt really good. what if i had messed up cutting, like, i’ve done before? how could i have jump this last hurdle, asking me to feel good about what i accomplished? hmmmmm. well. i’d have to take a leap of faith, and trust that i was still in the process of being guided to the chosen fabric, or there was something important i needed to learn, that i could only learn by making that mistake. deep breath. those leaps of faith are often taken by me when i’m hovering over a well of disappointment. this last hurdle is really asking me, can you trust in what you are doing? can you trust this moment. that is a hard one sometimes. but like the other hurdles, when i really look at it, my only other choice is to not trust this moment. that’s like not trusting the air i breathe, which is a challenge, you know, on this polluted planet. but wherever we are, we have to breathe, and even if we are behind a diesel truck, we can’t stop breathing. we have to use that air for as long as we have to. it’s better than no air. but when it’s not desirable air, we can still trust the present moment, while keeping our wits about us, and listening to our strong urge to get to some clean air. or, as i’ve been asked to do a lot lately, i can stay present while our kid is tantruming, even while staying present to the love inside of me. i can stay present with the uncomfortable moment. we can. it is not an easy hurdle. but we can do it. and often, and this is what we talked about in my parenting group monday morning, we need a guide. someone who has learned the hurdles, and can show us how it’s done. there are people scattered throughout my days, who are guiding me, and wow, do i love them and feel grateful for their guidance. and then when it’s my turn to guide, i really love to do that to. serving this world is a full on pleasure.
so when the moment is uncomfortable, and the hurdle is still asking us to trust it, not necessarily resign to it staying this way forever, but trusting THIS moment, and even though i know i have no other choice, i still resist it, i look for a guide. hey, is there anybody here who can show me how this is done? i do that, and then when one doesn’t show up right away, i just try. again and again and again. until i get it. cause i have no other choice.
i can’t even tell you how many times a day i have to stop myself, sometimes mid-sentence, because i am speaking to my kids, david, a friend, myself, or somebody, from my head, and not my present, body-centered self. that’s what i’m talking about really here. crafting is showing me how often, and in what contexts i go into my head. around time, around commitment, around fear of change, around desire for change, around seeing the glass half-full, versus half-empty. it is so crazy, this head of mine. and i know lots of other crazy-heads, and it’s really comforting to know i’m not alone. does anyone else here in this blog realm relate at all? i don’t think i’m alone here, but maybe you could reassure me??? or not. i’m okay being a freak too. i definitely wear that hat often. i could probably guide that trail, the freak trail, if anyone ever asked. do ask! what a fun idea.
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