i wonder

i wonder if i will ever be a regular blogger again…



i wonder this lately, and feel compelled to write a little post just to see what it feels like here, now…..

i've been gone for a while, with my regularity here….i've been in the underworld, and may just be peeking out now, feeling my roots strengthened enough to trust them while i stretch up a bit just to check things out.

i was open about my marriage's near end, and as with all near-deaths, a rebirth is experienced.  we've been growing and staying in the underworld while we learn to trust again in our union, in ourselves maybe even more.

i stepped back into my old college grounds while thinking perhaps i was venturing out to be a single mother.  i've been back in school now to finish my degree for a year now.  a full year.  that is something i wasn't expecting.

finding balance, i can tell, is going to be my big challenge this semester.  balancing pressure and fears with trust and intuition.  deep breaths are going to be my lover.  along with david.  breaks and playtime with my kids are going to be my salvation and inspiration.




these are my chaucer gloves. i knit them to psyche myself up for this class that i felt scared of, language-wise, i just felt like reading middle english might not be my thing….  the girls of course, wanted some so badly when they saw me working on them, that i ended up knitting a pair for each of them too.  i caught max trying mine on the other day.  i think he needs a pair of green ones.

this new endeavor, my personal pilgrimage (soothly, me thinketh on pilgrimages quite a lot anon as i begineth the canterbury tales) back to finish college has been insane at times. i hate it as much or more than i like it, honestly.  but the love i feel for learning keeps me going i guess.

    (oh yeah, we went to florida for a week over winter break.  pretty swanky.)

i am having fun reading novels with my kids too, and helping them think about what they want to write after they've read these stories, which have somehow all been about kids and dogs these past few months.  all chosen by their teachers interestingly!  there was first stone fox, then because of winn-dixie, then gooseberry park - all of those i read with max.  then over winter break, zhi had to read where the red fern grows.  i read it with her, and feel grateful for the inclination to do so.  it is so bonding to read a story with someone.   yes, all those dog stories and there was dog energy in the air.  david and i had already agreed this past summer on a goal of adopting a dog by next summer.  we both knew we wanted a family dog.  well, our dog found us in november, just before zhi and i pilgrimaged off to europe.  all these threads.

sylvie is a rescue and i cry a bit thinking about her as i write this.  we don't know her history beyond that she was very underweight with mange when found in oklahoma.  probably a husky-german shepherd mix.  we had our first dog training session with her yesterday.  pie is not so interested in sylvie.

love.  i hope to check in here more regularly.