light and macaroni: hello from the land of no internal inspiration

Friday, November 11, 2011

hello from the land of no internal inspiration

i'm reading one of zadie smith's books. i googled her to learn more about her, and found this list she made. i like it a lot. i'm fillin up my inspiration reservoir with others' creative works. i guess? i'm hoping that's how it works.

i made my whole little family wear corduroy friday. it wasn't easy. not for olive anyways. she was so mad! she did it though, for me, and then took the dress right off. ha. zhi keeps talking about how this day won't happen again for 100 years. but, she is wearing that corduroy jacket again today. hmmm.

being off of caffeine like this is insane. i haven't gone without tea, some kind of caffeinated tea, in so so long. pretty much since max's surgery. and that was such an altered time i didn't have time to sit and feel myself really. well i am now. sitting and feeling. that is what i am doing.

it is so cute to me that max will watch fairy movies with the girls. and he enjoys himself. such an open mind! ha. i just need to get the husband on board now with watching some girly movies with me. now that my sister is in brooklyn, i don't see girly movies anymore. miss. gotta change that.

we got a new couch. i look forward to posting about it next time. david actually spotted it in the furniture consignment shop as he walked to the bank the other day. so we said good bye to our old love, big brown. our first couch. that was hard. but it feels good to have this fresh change. new color. style. it has a sanguine feeling, and color too. (zadie smith is teaching me lots of new words. david says i must not have gone to junior high. wah. i did. and i could have kicked his butt in math. but vocabulary, i totally admit i didn't even try. well, now i am. you may just need your dictionary here and there, if and when i get that sweet writing bug again.) we can still get cozy just fine on new snaguine. it's a lot smaller. we need a couple cozy chairs maybe? so we can all cozily sit by the fire. they will come eventually.

5 comments:

AnonymousNovember 13, 2011 at 6:14 PM
i would watch girlie movies with you!
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Hannah JoyNovember 14, 2011 at 11:18 AM
I would totally watch girly movies with you. I love all of this. I love Olive in her jumper and grumpy face!

I am also inspired by that list. Thanks for sharing it.

Hey, no caffeine, really???? I couldn't give up my morning cup of Joe. You are a strong person. For me that is a scary thought.

Peace!
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heatherNovember 15, 2011 at 12:22 PM
i would go with both of you too. any time.
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ClaraNovember 17, 2011 at 7:40 PM
Such a sweet picture of Max, I melted. I'll be moving my life (GAH!) to mountain time in about 10days. We will be staying in Boulder from 11/30-12/7, I'll be cruising the Trident for you. Love. Thinking of you guys and wishing you hope and strength, especially back East. XXOO.
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heatherNovember 17, 2011 at 8:37 PM
clara~~ so soon!!! we will connect. i saw sunday last week. scheming! where will you live??
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macaroni

dad says when you close your eyes you can feel your soul. ~olive eulala cohen /// "I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living." — Anaïs Nin /// Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. khalil gibran in the prophet /// nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent ~ carl gustav jung /// olive says: when i grow up i'm not gonna be patient. mom says: what are you gonna be? olive says: just a girl with a cape. December 2010 /// (he says) are you sure you're not a witch, sophie? (she says) oh yes, i'm the worst kind of witch. the kind that cleans. ~from howl's moving castle /// "as mama bear lay there, she thought about how cubs learn. cubs learn by doing. they learn to walk by walking. they learn to run by running. they learn to climb by climbing. that's the answer, thought mama. the cubs will learn to help others by helping others. but questions of who, when, and where went unanswered as she drifted off to sleep." ~ from the berenstain bears lend a helping hand by stan and jan berenstain /// "i say, be proud of your scars. the good news is that for the most part that (shock/trauma) can be sutured and healed. and when i say for the most part, as you well know, you cannot heal the things you will not feel. and feeling what all the wounds are is very important. and you know that those things do leave scars. so it's never going to look like you never suffered. although i say be proud of your scars. it has everything to do with your strength and what you've endured. it's a map so to speak. a treasure map, in many ways, to the self. the deep self." clarissa pinkola estes from warming the stone child /// "in spite of its function as a reservoir for human darkness—or perhaps because of this—the shadow is the seat of creativity." carl gustav jung /// 'i'm not done dancing.' ~olive in response to me telling her it was time to get ready to go. thankfully we had enough time for her to keep dancing until she felt done, may 2010 /// 'mom, music tastes good. mmm, daddy's tastes good.' ~ olive 4/13/10 as she dances in her seat at the dinner table, while d plays on the piano /// 'she picked up her broom. she never felt quite herself without it.' jhumpa lahiri from interpreter of maladies (i am listening to this on the ipod when hiking lately. the writing is like watery love. sometimes i don't even follow the story, i just listen to the way she puts the words together. it is so inspiring.) /// ring the bells that still can ring forget your perfect offering there is a crack, a crack in everything that's how the light gets in ~leonard cohen, Anthem /// i won't ever let you down. you're a person after all. and a person is a person, no matter how small. ~horton (dr. seuss) /// I am high above the tree line Sitting cross legged on the ground When all of the forbidden fruit has fallen and rotted That's when I'm gonna come down ani difranco, studying stones /// Oh me oh my oh, look at Miss Ohio She a-runnin’ around with her rag-top down She says I wanna do right , but not right now Oh I wanna do right but not right now gillian welch, look at miss ohio /// "Every time, it's a miracle. Here are all these people, full of heartache or hatred or desire, and we all have our troubles and the school year is filled with vulgarity and triviality and consequence, and there are all these teachers and kids of every shape and size, and there's this life we're struggling through full of shouting and tears and laughter and fights and break-ups and dashed hopes and unexpected luck--it all disappears, just ike that, when the choir begins to sing. Everyday life vanishes into song, you are suddenly overcome with a feeling of brotherhood, of deep solidarity, even love and it diffuses the ugliness of everyday life into a spirit of perfect communion. Even the singers' faces are transformed... I see human beings, surrendering to music." "In the end, I wonder if the true movement of the world might not be a voice raised in song." muriel barbery, the elegance of the hedgehog /// Keep walking, though there’s no place to get to. Don’t try to see through the distances. That’s not for human beings. Move within, but don’t move the way fear makes you move. Rumi /// “hold the sadness and pain of samsara in your heart and at the same time the power and vision of the great eastern sun. then the warrior can make a proper cup of tea.” pema chodron quoting chogyam trungpa rinpoche /// Elizabeth Strout from her novel 'Olive Kitteridge': "she leaned forward, peering out the window : sweet pale clouds, the sky as blue as your hat, the new green of the fields, the broad expanse of water- seen from up here it all appeared wondrous, amazing. she remembered what hope was, and this was it. That inner churning that moves you forward, plows you through life the way the boats below plowed the shiny water, the way the plane was plowing forward to a place new, and where she was needed. she had been asked to be part of her son's life." p 202-203 /// Oscar Wilde: “One does not see anything until one sees it’s beauty. Then, and only then does it come into existence.” /// But don't confuse acceptance with defeat. You can be accepting and still desire change. And change happens *easily* when you're at peace with What Is. ~Scott Noelle, daily groove /// "“I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it--and that's all I got.”" — Sabrina Ward Harrison (Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself) /// no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. ~Eleanor roosevelt /// courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. ~mark twain /// this curious world which we inhabit is more wonderful than it is convenient; more beautiful than it is useful; it is more to be admired and enjoyed than used. ~henry David thoreau ///