i mean, serious and silly together.

seriously.

i mention i want to be silly more, and guess who comes a knockin....

mrs. serious.

of course. she wants to play too. i guess. i'm not sure what she wants. seems like mostly lots of baths. and to cry quite a bit. we watched a sappy country music movie today, together....

i need to figure out how to laugh and cry at the same time better. cuz the second i lay out a goal to laugh more, that serious lady in me came rearing her head up like she was a locust on her 17th year cycle. she was not messing around.

i am so tweaky tonight.

but i will look up a few new jokes for us in one of the childrens' joke books we checked out from the library the other day, thanks to my october silly month challenge for myself. i will. i swear. i will try to add some light to my dark state. why? because it seems like i owe it to them. those people i love so much. that have to see me and feel my intensity. so hot. i owe it to myself too. to try. if we get one laugh out of the jokes that will be a win.

::::

an hour and a half later

the jokes were a hit. a few before bedtime books, we're reading halloweeny ghostly monstery books from the library too, and then a few jokes after the stories. falling asleep, to the sounds of laughter, instead of my cranky voice, is good. thank you pan. i really appreciate that. here are the favorites jokes of the night:

what size tshirt does a 2000 pound egg wear?

eggs-tra large.

harharhar

and, the one that got the loudest laughs:

why did the candle fall in love?

because it met it's perfect match.

amazing!! why didn't i think of that one?

but the one they adored the most:

what does a bird call its parents?

mother and feather.

(umm, hey anon, is that you guys or what? ha!)

so sweet.

thank you jokes.

i did finally start to like myself a little bit after dinner tonight.

this is what i did when i realized i was liking myself again, it was so exciting to feel that way:

self~portrait

well.

wednesday, we had a visit with isis, while mary was visiting with horus.

another neighbor came walking along and said he's lived here in hte hood for twenty years and had never seen a snake before. i was so surprised. we've seen dozens. i concluded he doesn't garden, or go outside. sweet snake lady, was pissssssssed at me for shooing her off the road with a stick. i kind of thought she was gonna strike at me. but no. the kids were funny in the car, all of them at some point hanging out the windows.



this was a large one i thought.

isis has her camouflaging thing going on as well.

her hiss was as intense as mine was today. maybe she was trying to tell me something. duh.

i made pesto out of our garden chard. chard is mainly what i grew this year. and a handful of cherry tomatoes. and a ton of herbs of course. but foodwise, just chard was happy this year. so weird. most of the squash i planted would fruit out, yes squash is a fruit, and then die. i need to learn why that happened. i have a couple little guys that lived on and grew, but just a few.

after last week's elderberry syrup making, with dried berries from a store, i got it in my head and heart to search out an old elderberry bush that i met 12 years ago or so, but that i hadn't been back to visit since. i called up my friend in hawaii, to ask her where that was where she used to give me alexander lessons. that's where the bush was, at that house where she did her alexander teacher training, where i went to be her student. free lessons for me! that was cool. side note, i then had another friend who when she was doing her pilates teacher training, i got to be her training student. such scores on the friends, huh? so, she told me, she remembered the exact cross streets. i went. i found these sweet berries so perfectly ripe. my heart was so excited. it was a love affair. i wrote the new owners of the house a note and asked if i could pick them. would they mind? they called me back that evening, and said i was welcome and to have fun. i was so grateful for nice people when i heard the yes. i will share a jar of cordial with them. it felt like that bush was calling me, the way i went out and searched it out and made it happen. i mean, i know i can be a doer, and a go getter when i'm inspired, or when i just have to, but this was different. i watched myself go along the path to track that elder girl down. thery cool, as olive says. i lady elder an offering of white sage, at the base of her trunk. it was raining when i went today to gather the berries. edgy and cold picking elders. perfecto. i am thinking i want to plant like 6 bushes and really go for it this fall with attempting to create an elderberry grove up here on this land. sounds like a plan. the blueberry bushes i planted in the spring died. maybe elders will be happier? we'll see.

this picture just gets me. those legs. dear deer. what am i gonna do?

welcome in mrs. serious and miss silly and see if they want to play together more. that's what i'm gonna try and do. cuz i think i'm learning, that if i forget to invite one to the happenings of my inner, and outer, worlds, while i actively seek the other, the left out one will show up and act like a big fat baby till she is seen and heard. oh man. makes sense. so much to learn, huh?