a swap package was just sent off to ireland. woohoo. i don't even know how late i was on the deadline. we both decided, me and my swap partner, to be lax about it and i'm so glad. cuz i had a magic moment involving that coin up there, and the final moments of putting this little gift from colorado all together into its box. these are just some peeks. can't show anymore cuz i don't want to ruin the surprise for my new friend in ireland.
girls. so curious!!
boys. always with their freaking tongues hanging out. they are so obvious! girls are just innately cooler. well, we like to act that way. but this is why i love boys so much. boy energy is in your face, sweet, and kind-of trustworthy. except for all that sowing the seeds all over the place stuff. but as far openness goes, aren't boys typically more open?
maybe i don't know what i'm talking about. generalizing is tricky. expressing any opinion is tricky for me. opinions can be so full of projections. project (pro~ject). or project (praw~ject). it just dawned on me the other day that these two words are spelled the same way and i am wondering about how they might be related. here's a stab: when we project ourselves all over the world we know and see, it's like doing a project. you might as well be making a quilt. and hopefully be aware that you are making a quilt with your sweet psyche's grip on labeling everything it comes across in relation to yourself. what a joke.
speaking of jokes.
what did one leaf say to the other?
david answered, 'leaf me alone.'
i said, 'how's it hangin?'
the answer in the joke book is, 'have a great fall!'
i have been reading jokes to the people at breakfast some mornings. it's good fun. at bed time. at breakfast. at lunch. it would be cool to become the joke queen someday. i haven't even ventured into dirty adult jokes, but i am getting ready to, i think.
stepping back. it's nice to step back and question my opinions. free the grip of the mind. i wish i had a key and i could just do this at will. unlock the grip of the ego. oh wouldn't it be lovely. doing things like plunging the toilet, walking the neighborhood slowly, putting the dishes away slowly, giving packages to others, reading jokes, vacuuming under the bed, and other things i don't typically feel inclined to do, but i sometimes just sort-of force myself to do, are sort-of like keys to unlocking the grip. it almost seems like if i am resisting doing something, like i really did not want to plunge that toilet yesterday, then that is often a sure sign that if i did it, i would come into closer contact with my SELF. is that annoying or what? it is so weird! makes me shake my head with how much i don't understand the point of it all. i did plunge the toilet. and felt sort-of artemis like afterward.
something about this whole predicament is really unsettling. unsettling my desire for control. that's maybe the point.
i often wonder when i'm really in control, is it when i listen to my body saying "no, be lazy, don't wash the dishes, be happy, spend some more time doing something you enjoy" or when i push through it and get stuff done. we should swap something some day, but i am extremely bad at deadlines. i think what you say about boys is right, there's just so much honesty, openness and innocence in them. but girls are cool,too. i love my girl. and my boys. but i love my girl because she uses the word "odd" as a compliment. i think that makes her very awesome. have a lovely day, love to you and yours.
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ps// you can totally be the queen of the jokes, i prefer your's & david's answers!
it's so cool your comment, miri. i feel like you said some things i thought of too, but just didn't write down for some reason. you flushed some of my ideas out. we are thinking alike. i guess i wonder about pushing through versus listening to the urge to be lazy a lot. that sort-of distills the whole question of what urge am i supposed to listen to down to the essence. i feel like it's less about what i do, and more about where i'm gonna be coming from. if i am resisting doing the dishes because i just want to sit and watch tv, then i bet i need to do them. if i am resisting doing them because i'm twitchy and angry and resentful that i have to clean up another fucking thing, then i am feeling like i need to back off and go chill out. if i am behaving like a control freak, then i need to go sit and watch tv. if i am wanting to veg out, then i need to do what ever it is i'm resisting. this whole thought process is almost too heady, but it seems like i am onto something maybe. control freak. ok, i'm going to test it out. what do i feel like doing right now??? let's see. i feel like i should be cleaning something. so instead i'm going to do something creative. like write this and then stare at fabrics maybe. it's like i'm learning which voice is telling me what to do. and i'm pretty sure it is SO often the ego, and it likes to run me around like a chicken with my head cut off. ::::: and yep. we should swap something someday. i am so into odd as a compliment too. what a brilliant thing to say. that's the other way you flushed my thoughts out. more ways that i love girls and what we are about. rather than just less open...... ::::::: ok. and thanks for the encouragement to follow my desire and go for being queen!!!
ReplyDeleteAaaaaaaaaah. You hit in one for me there. I spend alot of time thinking about things I "should" be doing. And then I deliberatly procrastinate, and then when i get around to it, i feel better. I too, have been feeling really disconcerted about these types of things lately..I don't feel sad, i feel unsettled and disgruntled. i like what you said about it being about connecting with "self". I've been thinking about re-reading Fearless Living again - it helped me sort out a whole heap of dilemna last time. It's why I'm attacking my sewing pile - it makes me feel better and stares me in the face everyday. ALSO. Boys...they are barefacedly more honest, i like their energy, i feel sorry for them with their dealings with us girls sometimes. i have one boy and one girl. both of them treasures and so different. x
ReplyDeleteI guess it's where we really feel that divide between mind and body, though it's more left brain and right brain, probably, one of them being logical and telling us what we need to do, and the other side saying what we should do to be happy. or that's mind and soul, who knows. I know my soul doesn't feel like doing the washing up very often, but it can also be so good, almost like meditation. sometimes i love to clean, sometimes i don't. there is that quote that says "you don't have a soul, you are a soul. you -have- a body." it's very true.
ReplyDeletewe've been reading "a wrinkle in time", my girl and i. I think you and zhi would enjoy it. Emi likes it because the girl, who is the hero of the story, is a bit odd, and her brother didn't talk till he was 4, and emi's brother isn't talking. It's about time travel, and there are a lot of odd (in a brilliant way) women in this book.
did you find any nice fabric to stare at?
I'm excited for my package!! We have been so in sync with this whole swap thing. Unbeknownst to each other, we both posted our packages on the same day!... and I'm also a control freak. I pushed through and did the dishes this evening even though all I wanted to do was veg out on a Saturday night. The thoughts of those dishes sitting there waiting for me in the morning was too much for me. I couldn't relax. So now they are done and I've just finished a blog post.For me, things need to be in as much order as possible before I can be creative. It always boils down to dishes though. If the dishes are done and the counter top is clear somehow the rest of the house could be falling apart and it would be ok. Someday I might own a dishwasher- then my life would be complete;)
ReplyDeleteLove that idea of reading jokes. We did a similar thing recently. A posthumous book of new Shel Silverstein poems just came out. We all read through it and picked a favorite to read at dinner. I was surprised by the pics which were kept secret until reading night. Lots of fun.
ReplyDeleteHallo Heather :) Your intensity scares me a bit and I like your honesty, Is that why I would like to be dropping by? Every now and than - if you don't mind, obviously :)
ReplyDeletei can't wait to see what you sent and what you receive!
ReplyDeletei LOVE the pictures of the deer. the one of the male is hilarious. to me, boys always feel like they are more on the surface, so easier to read. i've never thought of them as more open, since in my experience, trying to get past the surface stuff can be like breaking through concrete. the difference in our genitalia explains it all, in my head anyway!
i've been thinking a lot about the ways i try to control lately. for me it comes in the form of worry. or even the way in which i felt so much guilt recently in leo's passing. that counselor i went to pointed out that in the face of the great unknown of death and grief, perhaps my guilt was one way of getting a hand hold. i want to laugh more too...laugh in the face of the illusion of control, laugh in the face of how raw and scarey being alive can be. i loved your jokes, especially the answers the two of you came up with. jeff and i were just talking about how we used to know so many knock knock jokes when we were kids, and now don't know any....you are inspiring me to brush up on that! xoxoxoxxoo
hey there my sweet control freak mama friend ;)
ReplyDeletedid i link this one to you yet??? i freaking love it. super simple. chunky yarn. can you say "quickest knit in the west" ??? and it goes up to a size 10. is that what we're aiming for???
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/country-classic-childs-hooded-sweatshirt
take care lovely lady. xo
courtney! that is a contender. for sure. i may want to make a size bigger than 10. or like you said maybe just figure out how to adjust the pattern a tiny bit. those ladies would help me do that. thanks friend. you are the best.
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