12 :: years :: of :: being :: married

when i sit down today, with my husband of 12 years, i feel gratitude.

there has been so much resistance for us. and there will be so much more.

as long as we find ourselves side by side, hearts connected, or boarded up, we will have work to do. doing our work is insane. and essential. and fodder. and really hard and scary. i have deep dark light high gratitude for you david. for the partnership you've given me in my adult life. as a woman. as a mother. as an artist.

and when we are getting a much welcomed break from the work, the laughter is the best. the love. the play. the dancing. the music. it actually does get better. all of it. matures and ripens and evolves into feelings that satisfy even more. because we do the work. not always right when it's clear that there is work to be done, often, we wait till the pain is screaming out, but still, we do eventually listen. i am a big fan of the work. and of having a partner who isn't afraid to do it with me.

yes.

this book, the war of art, is making me feel so brave and ready to dive in. to. my. stuff. to the place i go to create from. creating our own art, takes as much bravery, as staying in relationship. or leaving it, which i know is sometimes the most brave and aligned thing a person can do for themselves. this book is saying that where ever we feel resistance, that is the direction we need to go in. it's making me question the daily groove's advice. he, scott noelle, often says resistance is a sign that we are going in the wrong direction, especially when it comes to parenting....i'm guessssssssing he means we need to notice the resistance and do something to meet it, to get under it, through it, instead of just staying in it, or running away from it. yeah. so then, these two guys are not contradicting each other at all. pressfield is saying, when we come up against resistance, we are close to some action that is gonna be essential to our growth, our art's growth. go in the direction of the resistance. go go go. be brave and let your heart flip out. scary. he says being scared shitless is good. woohoo! isn't that great news! we get to continue feeling terrified of ourselves and everything and everyone else and that is a good thing. it means we are on the right path. ha. this is hilarious, yeah? constant pruning. constant reassessments. constant meeting. constant rising. constant mixing. constant brewing. constant facing. constant cycling. and there is that part of the cycle where we get to rest. the cocoon, the chrysalis phase. love that phase.

so. on i go. to the botanic gardens with this man i married. that i've worked with for 12 years. and learned about resistance and meeting and letting go and loving in ways i am endlessly grateful for. love.