a lot of everything

we told max about his birth finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i say finally because for the past year i have been feeling crazy that he didn't know some of his story. but it is such an intense story, that david and i still have yet, and probably never will, to clear out our shock from his birth. we practiced telling him a few times over the past few years. and then last week it just really felt like it was the time. i told my women's group last week, and they were so helpful and loving and helped me role play a bit to practice even more and to get really clear on what my intentions are in telling him. god was that helpful. and then on saturday morning we told him. it was beautiful. we showed him the baby book i so passionately made in his first year. ummm, neither girl's baby book really has anything in it. but his is fat. so funny how that is what happens. the girls listened. everyone listened. max listened the most. it was like he became a sponge for that time. he didn't really say anything. except, 'i want to see that book,' i think. he was so quiet and thoughtful. and kind-of smily. and he hasn't said a word about it since. which is unusual for him. usually he will retell an intense story like that for months. it's so interesting to me that he just soaked it up like that. zhi has since told me how she just had no idea a baby could come out any other way than the yoni. she is amazed at that possibility. aaaaaah. coming out. i was so ready to let that story see light, max's light. finally. my boy's miracle story.

that night, as i was coming home from our date night in david's car that i picked up at the mechanic's, i hit a raccoon and killed it.

i am so sorry. so sorry.

this picture of zhi from a year ago, burning sweet grass, in a lion suit, feels like love to me right now.

we went on a hike sunday. a very nice august hike. after a lame argument by d and me.

we had friends over in the evening. i was playing in that dress, hula hooping, trying to learn that trick that erin at bluebirdbaby posted a while ago where you spin while taking the hoop up to over your head with your hand, then bringing it back down. tricky. i ripped my dress! i guess that's why it really is smart to listen to the pattern's suggested fabrics, and when it says use a knit, they really mean a knit. i will stitch it up though, and it will be all the better for it. a new detail. it was a large large rip though, right across the chest. hmmmmm.

and, we like hipstamatic a lot now.

love. gratitude. creative passion. sorrow.

love.