earth and waves

i'm pretty sure this flower is a kind of wild poppy that is good to relieve pain, if i remember correctly from the herb walk with brigitte mars we went on in our neighborhood a few years ago. but it looks so much like a thistle, i'm not feeling very sure about this. i would like to do another herb walk. actually, i feel like it would be a smart thing to do every year, to educate myself, david, and the kids about the plants that grow in our habitat.

i love this tree and its bendy curvy dancy self. it is nothing like any of the trees it lives next to. not that there's anything wrong with all the perfectly straight trees, i mean, they're the ones that give us the long timbers we use to build our houses and boats and buildings. i just always feel emotional and a surge of love when i spot a dancer. i mean, look at it. it is totally dancing!

i love this planet. she is so majestic. how do i forget this sometimes, and get totally and completely sucked into the mundane hell of the mental domain so often. it is such hard work for me, climbing OUT OF DEPRESSION. out out out. ahhhhh. that's what i do. i climb out. and then i go back in. and then i climb out. and then i go back in. and then i climb out. and i surely am stronger every time. that's about all i can say about the process in a positive light. i wish i understood this particular dance i do. and how i might have more control over it. it is getting better, which is one of the things i like to remind myself of, and that my therapist likes to remind me of. and i guess, according to this new song of ani's, i'm not fucking up too badly, cause, i will say it again, it is getting better. it's just that i keep going back in for these awful little visits with dr. depression, and i guess, i am just realizing, i have some kind of expectation that i'm going to be done with it altogether some day. but i read this line in tehanu recently, that i keep thinking of, that somehow applies .....'He thought he had learned pain, but he would learn it again and again, all his life, and forget none of it.' and this now reminds of something pema chodron said when we went to hear her speak in the spring. she was talking about her own version of pain, and suffering, and how one of her teachers, back when she was more of a student, had likened it to being thrown down by the waves in the ocean. and that the waves don't ever stop coming, but you get much much much better at standing up, and then she said, eventually , you get to the point where you don't really even mind them knocking you down anymore. like it's just all a part of life. damn, i'm really not even close to that point, but i guess i can really say i'm getting a little better at standing back up, climbing out, or through, and getting back to the air and the light. and it's so helpful for me to remember that it's NATURE'S way, to fall down regularly. damn it! but it's the master's way to not be phased by falling down. or, not to judge falling down! yes! that is it! that's why i love those masters. they have the most beautiful stories to tell. so healing, so true.

here's another really beautiful new one by ani..

(there is internet in the back patio of the trident. what is going on? the signal has never been strong enough back here, crazy awesomeness!)