jasmine and jezebel. and something like that.

i've decided we are changing the names of two of our hens. they are usually called something like spotted and spotty. at first they were spotted head and spotted tail. today i am wanting to call them jasmine and jezebel. really what i'm saying is that i love saying and thinking quietly inside my head, these names, jasmine and jezebel. i don't know why. they just make me feel so good this afternoon. j's and z's. and if i could spell with numbers i'd have 7 in each word too. i am drinking jasmine tea and it is divine. if i had two more hens to name today i'd call them honey and milk.

we watched some episodes of mr rogers today from his first season. the first episodes from the first season. they are in black and white. i am in love with mr rogers. i realized today that i have a close friend who i think channels him when she's with children, sort-of. she is that cool and good and easy and natural and in love with children. she is so inspiring to be around. like mr rogers is inspiring to watch. after we watched for a while. the kids bounded off and started playing so sweetly. like they got into magical otherworldly play, and i know it was cuz the neighborhood of make believe sucked them in. lady aberlin was so beautiful. and CUTE!! i had never seen her early on. me and zhi like the way she did her hair back then in 1968. the first episode of mr rogers first aired 3 days after my husband was born. that made me happy to think of little baby david coming into earthly living and having mr rogers in the field on the tv from the get go. not that his parents weren't creating a good field to live in, but mr rogers to boot, that is so sweet to me to know. he is an angel, mr rogers. a children's angel.

i love mr rogers so much. he really feels like a friend. david's dad reminds me of mr rogers often. it is so sweet to see him with his grandkids.

i just spent a long time reading about mr rogers on wikipedia and searching for an image of lade aberlin from the shows we watched today. couldn't find one. yo should just buy the first season on amazon for 17.99 or something like that. it is a gem. mr rogers' middle name was mcfeely. so that's where mr mcfeely comes from! and he swam every morning, was vegetarian, and started the show because he wasn't happy with the way television addressed children. he said. " "I went into television because I hated it so, and I thought there was some way of using this fabulous instrument to be of nurture to those who would watch and listen."^[13]

i also learned there is a reason to why mr rogers changes his shoes at the beginning of each episode:

It was also then when Rogers began wearing his famous sneakers when he found them to be quieter than his work shoes when he moved about behind the set.

i think i sound like i'm in love with mr rogers. i am.

i saw something really over the top yesterday.

i also learned something last night reading before bed that it takes something like 12 bees their whole lives, something like 2 months to make something like a teaspoon of honey. something like that. so i just put a heaping teaspoon of honey into my jasmine tea upon rebrew. that made me think of this. serious reverence for bees. i am about to sign up for a bee class here and i'm pretty sure i will learn how to take care of bees this summer. i'm hoping it's as much about caring for them and helping them out and maybe creating more bees for the world(??) as it is self serving and about having our own backyard honey and beeswax factory. i will learn that won't i? anyone in the boulder area want to take the class with me? anyone who isn't afraid of bees? i already have a connection for kids beesuits! an old therapist of max's has two, and she said we can borrow them whenever we want.

ok. so for the overthetop thing. we took max to denver to have an optometry appt. he is going to start vision training therapy, or something like that. it's behavioral optometry. well, the dr. is an older woman, pretty pretty old. i don't want to try guessing for some reason how old. she is super sharp and clear though, and i feel good about her so far. we're gonna give it a go. it's another thing to do for him that we want to see into. what i saw that was ovethetop, was the office of this doctor. i have never seen a desk with this many papers piled on top of it. we are talking like the desk is an average height desk, 3 feet or something like that high, and the mound of white sheets of paper on top is definitely equal, but probably higher, to the height of the desk. and perfectly rounded, so that i don't think she can really put anymore on top of it or it will all start to fall. and she has two desks sort-of like this. it is actually a little more chaotic looking than perfectly round, but there is some beauty to the natural look of it and how it came to be. i mean, how many years do i guess it took that desk to grow a pile of papers that high? 3, 7 10? i really don't know. but it is one of the craziest scenes i've seen i a long time. it is so funny. i had david take a peek in the office cuz he walked by it without looking in. the face he made when he first saw it is one that every time i replay it in my head, makes me smile uncontrollably. it really really was like this........ really. i don't know why, but it was so funny and shocking to me. so so funny. and she had this tidy little laptop sitting on a tiny tidy table beside the big messy desk. i want to take a picture. i wonder if she would be offended? how could i ask without offending? it's not my business. i just heard a mentor of mine tell me in my head very clearly that i have no business asking to photo her desk. phew. cut that one short! thanks to the mentors.

here is how i mended the black dress. i like it. getting funky. gotta get funkier as we get older or we're fuckin up. my words inspired by ani's.

olive did my hair the other day. i love it so much. and look where she prefers to put earrings. i never would have thought of that. a huge dangly earring at the top of the ear. but of course. i have a little hoop up there. why not a big huge dangly one?

a wednesday post

this made me laugh. and gave me the tips i was looking for. this world is nuts. there really is a website dedicated to folding napkins. my girl zhi is psyched websites like that exist, and don't get me wrong, i totally, TOTALLY, am too. yes i am. aaaah. it actually made me breathe for a minute there. sitting down and laughing at that site. and thinking of my fancy girl and her love of all things fancy and nice. she is going to be so into the new napkin ring thing. she will probably learn many many folds i predict. do you remember soulemama's post from a year or something ago, with the napking rings? i was into it. so i found this little wooden set at the thrift right after that post. i didn't like the finish on them, though. and i wasn't itching to start using napkin rings right away either, just wanted to plant the napkin ring seed. so i kind-of literally did that. i set them in the garden, to weather. i just pulled them out the other day. they look great. just how i wanted them. the shiny finish is gone. one of them is even cracked. even better. ha. the tablecloth is wrong side out in the photo. in case you were wondering. i'm sure you weren't. but i just didn't want to wash it yet, so i flipped it over.

ha. as much as i love being a home maker, it is so funny to me at the same time.



this cutie learned to knit with needles this weekend. we started with the i-cord. i'd never made one before, either. so it was new for both of us. she is so cool. she's ready to make a blanket now she says. i love what i read about elizabeth zimmermann discovering the i-cord accidentally, and calling it the idiot cord, cuz she was being an idiot to have done what she did, and it's now been shortened to i-cord. did you know that?

i did what i said, and i got right on another project. these are my new pants. they are cute. and scratchy wool so i must wear tights under them, which is fine. i used an old pattern i made long ago from tracing some yoga pants. so these are a pretty tight fit. but it makes them kind-of hot i think. not sure why i put that shirt on in the middle of my photo shoot. just to show the pants' versatility. yeah. no it was cuz i was feeling shy, but i'm fine with the tank top actually. even if it is a camisole.

yeah, david thinks they're hot too.

notice the new golden chair we got last week? actually on david's birthday i got the strong strong urge to go thrifting. i hadn't been in two months. seriously. that's crazy for me. it had been so long, my favorite thrift shop had moved and i didn't even know it. that was freaky to drive up to it and it wasn't where it used to be. this golden chair is the best. it makes me want to be in this room more than before. and the kids love sitting in it which is cool and makes me happy. that sewing machine i just had to pack up to be serviced. for the first time in ten years. oops. something went really wrong with the bobbin thread. it got really slack and loopy. exactly how i feel today. slack and loopy. we are sick. home from school. done here now. must go watch smurfs and drink more tea and trip out on everything. i really am tripping with this sickness. yucky weirdness. tea. that's all i want. closing computer lady.

his birthday sweater vest.

here's one of the photos from the book i got from the library, that i got the pattern from, and have since returned. ha. that tiny photo is silly. it's from erika knight's men's knits.

and here is my man on the morning of his birthday, in his handmade vest.

looks pretty good, right?

the fit is pretty darn good. although the ribbing at the bottom wants to curl up sometimes, so i told him to kind of check that and pull it down periodically. he said he did through out the day. good man.

strong man. strong men wear vests. vests of all kinds. imagine him with his carhartt vest on top of this one. super strong man image!

a little side detail.

walking to his car on his way to work. looking fine. i am such a dork. it was more like my present almost, how much i loved seeing him wear it.

so cute. he is so so cute sometimes. you know. the fact that he wore this all day on his birthday, and said he kept feeling so much love for me throughout the day because it is all knitted into all those thousands of stitches, made me feel so good, knowing he felt my love so palpable there. an obvious reason for hand~making someone you love, or someone you don't (?), a gift of some sort. any sort.

a few notes~

so i had to go to the knitting store to get some help on the day before his birthday. the ladies who work there are all mostly of the retirement age, 60s 70s and 80s. they were so willing to help me with my few last steps, giving their opinion freely that the pattern i chose was not done in the way they would have written it, calling it nonsense (no offense ms. knight, but i think these ladies are of the elizabeth zimmermann seamless knitting sect), but still showing me what me to do nevertheless. i was shown kitchener stitch. tricky. the woman who taught me that stitch, roxanna, said i will need to know that to make socks. getting complicated here. to attach the neckband on to the back of the neck. i was shown mattress, or ladder, stitch for sewing the side and shoulder seams. did you know your knitting skills could come in handy in a first aid scenario? i've never sewn seams in handknits before. they talked, in the most normal way, about jeopardy and dog shows while i sat there stitching..(i guess if you're gonna watch tv, choose what you watch..make it fun so you can talk about it. anyone want to talk about glee or lars and the real girl? those are the two things i've watched most recently)...... i mostly listened and kept focused. but i loved listening to their gabbing. a lot. and i now have a pretty good idea what i want to be doing when i am an older woman. working, or just basically hanging out, in a knitting store. they are all so sharp. i LOVED that too. they seem to know everything about knitting. and spinning too. and raising sheep. i overheard one conversation about how there is no such thing as cashmere. what do they mean?) and they all have different opinions, but respect each others, sort-of. but one thing seamed clear, based on a conversation i overheard between three of them. and that is that continental knitting is the best. thanks mom for teaching me the best way. friend, you know who you are, you are just wasting time with that horrible american style way. i still feel bad for you. and i still love you very much too. i would not embarrassed at all, though, to knit in public with you. i would be if it was me knitting like that. but i don't care how you do it. it's sweet. it's southern american grandma. i'm just more euro.

making this vest, the largest thing i've ever knit, in my fairly new knitting life, put me up against myself and my thoughts in a way i haven't had to be, in quite some time. the discipline i had to tap into to stay on task, and keep the ship running smoothly with meals on time and daily lessons and appointments kept, was freaking challenging. sometimes i wasn't sure why i was doing this project, this big undertaking for me, a kind-of slow knitter. why? i mean, i knew why. i wanted to make him something special. but why? what if he didn't like it? it felt so risky. then i'd just let those thoughts flow and i chose to just stick with it, simply because i wanted to. that was my why. because i wanted to. because i'm a joyful girl (i love that video so much. it makes me want o put mud on my body and face and sit in some brambles and feel it all. and it also makes me want to put on a sexy silky dress.....). but it was interesting. usually knitting brings me joy. and all of a sudden, i was finding after a solid 30 minutes of knitting, i was getting into territory in my head that was tricky to sit with. i wanted to set it down at that point usually. i've always used knitting before as a distractor. something to do with my hands so i can relax when i'm feeling fidgety and knit-picky (now i understand that term!). but this time, i would sit and sometimes knit for two solid hours. pushing myself to just stay for just ten more minutes. it was so much like a hardcore exercise routine, or a long meditation session. it felt extreme. and then on one of the last days, last weekend, david started doing this exercise program, the p90x thing, that is so extreme. i did it for a few minutes, made myself sore for days by doing 20 pushups (on my knees mostly), and it got me thinking about how many different ways we can be extreme. some good some not. and i kept hearing, over the past few weeks, even before this introduction to the p90x, mr miyagi telling me to start another big project directly after finishing this one. shit. what am i getting myself into? i just wish i had a real mr. miyagi here to keep me on track. i have to be my own god-damn miyagi. that's hard. well, i guess, i could hire a trainer. a crafting trainer. wouldn't that be so great? anyhoo. i guess i'll choose to finish the pants and dress i last cut out but haven't begun to sew yet. ok. but there's no deadline. the deadline on that sweater vest is what got me into those two hour long knitting sessions. i need a trainer. there may be no other way without a deadline. and a fake deadline won't trick me well enough. any ideas for this predicament? should i plan a party? a party for each garment? ha. oh man. it's all in the question, how badly do i want it. but what is it? connection to my deeper self ?? connection to my inner self, that i seem to only find after an extended period of doing something, being extreme in some way. maybe that's my word for the knitting bag. extreme.

???????

well. it was fun. it was hard. it was extreme for me. i paced myself sort-of well. all that practice in school with deadlines, really paid off! i now know how to start my project early, and how to get it done. i am very glad i undertook that project. i am grateful to the spirits that aligned and found ways to give me large chunks of time last weekend when i really needed it, namely at the ski mountain while max had morning and afternoon snowboarding lessons, and then all that time d and i spent in our studio on our date night instead of going out. and on monday morning when my mom took olive for a couple hours and i went to the tea shop and knit the whole time instead of blogging as i usually do when i find myself there. my mom is so supportive of my crafting. thanks mom. and then this tuesday, the one morning when all the kids are in school and i was able to go to the store and those ladies were so able to guide me. yay. that really was fun. and i feel exercised. and i had a day of rest and now i want to get back at it. and i really want my own mr. miyagi. spirits??? can you help me with that?

and. i am so happy when i see d wearing the vest. he looks so freaking cute. the the hippest vest wearing guy i know. the hippest, very very very loved, vest wearing baker man ever!!

and thank you olive for having so much fun in the bathtub while i wrote this post.

bad ass

i am a badass.



links i've been looking at.

she is a bad ass too.

i have been more focused on this project than i have been on anything since my college days. maybe even more so! but i've been a bad ass too, so i've been mostly cool and chill. and warm and fuzzy all at the same time.



i just used the steamer machine i've had for three years i think, for the first time. gestation time was long on that. it was so cool to use on this sweater. my first time ever for blocking. i didn't even know what blocking was till this morning. handy you tube! they call it blocking because it used to be blocks people put their finished hats on to shape them. so cool! i want an old blocking block......

i'm off to acupuncture and then the knitting store for some help on the seaming and the back neck edge feature that i haven't done yet. oh man. i am pushing this to the last minute. his birthday is tomorrow. i really want him to be able to wear it on his birthday, if he likes it that is. if it fits?? oh man. but i am a badass and i can do this. i am gonna kick myself, though, if i am jinxing it all by saying this. i hope he doesn't check the blog today. bad ass risk taker!

we love these library ducks. they make us happy.

i feel like i'm racing, but trusting in the outcome, sort-of. a goal with a date is funny. and real.

my new knitting bag. i love it. i needed a new one, because this project i am working on now wasn't fitting in the little red one i made. this one has a little pocket, the elephant fabric. i made it thinking it was going to be for pens, for my amazing ideas, but then when this turned into a knitting bag, i thought that pocket must have another use. so it holds my tape measure. i keep having to measure this thing i am making. perfect little pocket. the whitish frayed fabric sewn on is to stamp or write somehow some word or phrase that i love. i haven't figured out what words those are yet. ok. back to the race. aaaaa.

oh, one thing. i was looking for articles on the health benefits of apple cider vinegar just to learn more on it. i found this one. what is the truth? and do i need to worry about the chance of the bad bacteria overtaking? geez. ruining my fun.

turkey

for her. some new patches. and by the way, that photo is one of my new faves. oh. man. serious love. (and there is a story behind that jacket. a grandma of hers sent the kids three new jackets this fall. zhi already had 2 other jackets this same grandma had sent. she likes her grandkids warm. she likes to thrif (that was a typo, but let's call it thriff from now on). i love it. how nice for me not to have to shop for everything. but we only have so much closet space. she wasn't expecting us to keep three size 6 winter coats. just keep your favorite. so, when the white one arrived, i immediately put it to be given to donation. without even showing zhi. i knew her other two were higher quality. that's all. somehow zhi came across it. and liked it. and i somehow had a problem with that. it wasn't as nice. i told her she couldn't keep it. she refused to accept that. we got into a weird fight where i wouldn't listen and see at all that she has an opinion. an opinion as valid as mine. and she tested out the warmth factor to dispute one of my reasons for not keeping it, that it wouldn't be as warm. i was wrong. the oshkosh jacket is warmer than the northface. and she may be making it up, but whatever. she is comfortably warm in it. david saw my absurdity and basically told me to relax. ha. i was totally stressing about this. hahahahah. now. i love this coat. i have totally shifted. how perfect. i love it, though, because of what it represents mostly.. i think. her power. and her taste. yes, her taste is hers. i don't want her to have mine. i mean it will be nice if we agree here and there on fun things like fashion, but we do not want to only have the same sense all over the place. that is boring. but really, this coat now just gives me a good free feeling when i see it. whatever it now represents, is a good thing. the feeling in my body confirms it. oh man. that was a hard letting go for me though. i know there will be more like it. but i hope i see it quicker and quicker when i am trying to put unnecessary control, basically powertripping, on their choices. i don't want to do that. and you know what, my reasoning that we couldn't keep three coats for every kid, didn't even turn out to be one i stood by. because i like the northface one better, i kept it in their coat closet. my power. yep. i am queen. but i want to be a righteous queen. i want to honor and value all opinions of people in my queendom. she rocks. this powerful bullshit~calling heir to my throne.

ok. back to patches. i was folding clothes the other day, and noticed a little hole in zhi's jeans. i stopped folding and went directly to patching. i needed something like that to be asked of me. i didn't tell her, but just snuck them into her drawer so she'd discover them. surprises are fun. she wore them first thing the next day. it was a saturday, so the parentals were sleeping in, thus i missed the discovery. but it is so fun to surprise someone like that.

i've been using that owl fabric on a few other patching up projects as well. not sure why. it just keeps wanting to be used that way.

i haven't sewn the larger patch on the blue dress yet. how weird is it that both dresses i made last year, need patching right now. i just took the blue one out of the closet and there was a big oil stain on the front left up there. i have no idea what it is from. bummed me out. but now i will have another pocket. for pens i think. i have this idea that i will start carrying a pen with me, and some paper, and then i can write down my amazing ideas on the spot and not forget them anymore. i'm not for sure if i i like the way it looks there though. so i'm waiting for a stronger yes before i sew it down. the black dress, that i ripped in a large hula hoop movement (OOPS), however has been mended and i like it. a little love for the black dress below. i haven't tried it on since i mended it. but when i do i will photo myself for sure.

i love that dress. making a dress i like is the ultimate in creative satisfaction.

(what is olive doing in that bottom photo?? plant identification. yeah.)

i like these pants thinking of making them for spring. and i love this dress. thinking of finding a pattern similar to it. and of course i will make it in black. it's a lot like my other black dress, yeah? that's good.

i have another dress all cut out that i've been stalling on for some reason for a few months now. it's gray. with a little red. i think i may be working on that and then these other ideas. except there's a man's birthday coming up and i have to knit like crazy over the next 8 days to get this exciting gift done i'm working on for him.

this i a hodgepodge post. below is a photo of a scissors (i can't believe scissors isn't spelled with z's.) scizzors. there. feels so much better. okay start over, below is a photo of a scizzors case i made. it's hoinkly but i really like it. i was making hot pads and had this extra little bit of layered up fabric and made a few scizzor protectors. for those fancy scizzors i have.

eggs. i discovered this stash of eggs in the compost bin the other day. those hens had been sneaking in there under the cover. i had no idea. all the eggs were good though. it had been like a fridge outside up until that day. score. thank you hens!!

they are so cute. the kids. not the eggs. but i guess the eggs are too.

ok. this below is the gratitude turkey that i placed there on the dictionary as i sat down to peel a few dozen apples that i still had from fall. they kept really well in the root cellar. a few other things did not and i chucked 'em in the compost recently. things like turnips and beets. i need to learn how to store those better. but these apples were awesome 4 months later. the gratitude turkey feels so good to me. humbling. david and i watched the road, cormac mccarthy, the other night. i have had powerful waves of gratitude since that viewing.

a list of gratitudes:

family.

friends.

the sun's light.

the fireplace.

garlic.

apples.

the three pies we made. with apples to spare that we shared with the neighbors who made us breakfast the other day.

stories that shift my perspective.

children that shift my perspective.

friends that shift my perspective.

(i'm making it sound like i am in constant need of a shift in perspective. not constant, but honestly, i do need to shift myself, or be shifted a lot. and i am so grateful for all who play a part in my shifts. today it was my acupuncturist. and the road i traveled down after taking my kids to school. it was a first gear down the mountain kind of snow packed road. i was late for my appointment. but i did not stress. that road shifted me. first gear. i love first gear sometimes. i mean i seriously love it. being able to slow myself down without overusing the brakes. that is awesome. i feel like that's what my acupuncturist did for me today. i feel like even though i wasn't in a stressed mode when i arrived, my body was somehow in fourth gear. and i've been tired. during that time on the table, i totally felt myself shift gears a few times. all the way down to first by the time it was over. tangent queen.)

olive discovered she had cut a heart shape in her apple pieces.

another blogging friend gave me the idea of making my own apple cider vinegar a few months ago. i'm so glad she did!! i'm so into this easy fun. my first batch was overrun with fruit flies and was thrown out (thanks to her emailing me to tell me this happened to her and i may want to check in and see if mine was a fly haven like hers. and it totally was! her idea to use a paper towel to seal the top instead of cheesecloth is what i've done since and it has kept the flies out...so far). my second batch, there on the left in the jar is done and i've been drinking it with hot water and honey. it is mild, compared to the store bought kind. but i like it. so mellow and good. my new batch there in the large jar is currently frothing and going for it on our kitchen counter. the one in the jar that's done, i followed sandor katz's method in wild fermentation. the one i am currently brewing up, i am following this method. the only real difference is that i did not add sugar to this latest batch. just curious how it will be different.

sage. burning some sage david gathered on our walk the other day. love.

love her clothing choices this day.

love this photo.

love going outside to walk.

love that boy with his snowboard behind his back.

gratitude turkey.