outside

what what what to say.......outside is cool. outside is magical. outside is the mama. my kids need to play outside more. but we live in mountain lion land. they pretty much have to have an adult with them all the time when they are outside. i remember being allowed to go outside from morning to night, no bothering at all about where i was or anything. i lived in this safe little suburb called maumelle in arkansas, and i had the whole town as my playground. it was little and i could ride a bike from one end to the other, and the little pharmacy was a favorite place to go buy candy and covet the first aid kit that cost $10. i wanted it so badly, i saved up for months, and finally got to bring it home. i didn't turn into a doctor, at least not the stereotypical kind that has a first aid kit with a white cross on it in my bag. my first aid kit these days consists of :

• flower essences
• lip balm
• deep breaths
• remembering to pull my shoulder blades down and back
• loving myself instead of beating up on little old me
• crying occasionally when i am overwhelmed
• taking salty baths
• playing along with my children more and more and more and more, and instead of wondering why it took so long for me to do this, just being glad and grateful that i am doing it now
• taking guitar lessons every other week even if i don't practice in between as much as i'd like, but keeping up with the lessons anyways, cause the momentum will build on itself, i tell myself
• pretty regular couples therapy and pretty regular date nights
• celebrating my children a lot, which includes licking them
• changing and improving something in our house when i start to feel stale
• refusing to let someone tell me i have to wallow in their bad vibes with them
• putting new music on the ipod regularly to listen to on my....
• HIKES
• walking through the retirement home, feeing the love and gentleness from (most ;)) of the old ones, somehow feeling closer to my own grandma who i miss so much, while my kids take swimming lessons in their warm therapy pool
• loving myself and taking care of myself first....putting on my oxygen mask first
• watching my left foot
• getting lost in fiction, a lot
• turning up the volume until it makes me want to dance
• doing something a little bit scary, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, kind-of regularly
• popcorn and movies with my sister
• horses horses horses and donkeys
• learning from my mistakes, and then being so grateful for the lesson

i have a very full first aid kit these days, and it's only getting bigger.

heart in art

this article.

i made a dress from one of his patterns before. one of my favorite patterns ever.

i liked him before for his art.

i love him now that i have felt his heart.

but its funny, because as i write this, i am realizing that i can feel someone's heart, or lack of, in their art most of the time. and what i'm always drawn to is art that touches my heart. that seems so obvious a thing to say and i feel silly writing it.

i NEED to be more disciplined. why so hard.

superheroes must gather

my boy is deep into a love of superheroes. he told me they were having a dad's meeting. hmmmm, kind-of like what his own dad does every so often.

twas rainy last week. weather man says this week will be very different. my sister and i mostly made up, i think. all that was needed was some whisky and a walk through the alleys. oh, and a small break from her baby...just a little break. we ALL NEED little breaks.

they turned out flat. i'm not sure where my mind was (and i just thought of the pixies song after writing that), given that i knew the recipe didn't have any flour in it. they are oatmeal raisin chocolate flax coconut honey cookies. i was sad when i saw what they looked like when they came out of the oven..... i am a little embarrassed to admit this whole thing, us owning a bakery and all. that's really david's specialty, i'm learning for the first time over here with flourless cookies. to my credit, i've made a zillion pans of flour cookies that turned out perfectly, back in my baking-for-my-living-days. but guess what? these ones tasted GOOD. (i also learned to talk in arkansas. just kidding arky! you produced me and bill clinton, so you are forever awesome in my book.) we all ate them with gratitude and were completely satisfied on this summer afternoon, so it was all good in the end here on this cookie afternoon.

wondering

how a person creates intentional, positive change in their life. is it always hard to do? is it ever a no brainer, or just a breeze? and this then leads me to a favorite question, how does a person, or an animal for that matter, come to live and know themselves at their highest potential? the first thing that comes to mind is mind training. for me, that means not listening and giving credit to MANY of the thoughts that wander around my mind. many many many of them. when i am setting out to weed the poisonous plants, i mean thoughts, that don't feel supportive and good for me to be having, it's almost like i have a sword in hand, and i am intermittently slaying the ones that are attempting to take me down. i kind-of feel crazy, like i'm in the old asteroid game and there are all these asteroids (thoughts) coming at me, and it is a matter of survival that i blow up every one of the potentially dooming asteroids coming my way. i mean, it just happened, where a friend came over to say hi to me at the coffee shop, and he asked what i was working on. i said, oh, just some creative work. he said, oh, like a blog? and i took a big scary leap, and said yes. i have been so shy about this project. after we had our brief little, hi how ya doin watcha doin, i became bombarded with thoughts and feelings about what a dork i am, how lame it is that i am shy about it and that i get uncomfortable exposing myself. well, because i was in the middle of writing about slaying the negative thoughts as my practice for taking myself closer to living at my highest potential, i started slaying away. it's taken about 8 minutes for my body to relax and my thoughts to settle down. it is work to have my sword in hand ready for battle, but it is helpful beneficial work, and given the two options of letting the thoughts bombard me, or eliminate them as they appear, i definitely like the latter better. the amount of energy i use up when i let myself take the hits actually requires a lot more work in the end, putting myself all back together and getting back up. but i have done this countless times, and i am sure to do it again. i just hope i start tipping the scale more and more toward my higher potentials, and less and less toward my lower potentials. it is work, i tell myself again. it is always work waking myself up, but it always feels better compared to the alternative life of sleepwalking.

work work work work work. and then there are periods for play, usually brief but whatever.....when i find the time to sit and play right now, i am playing with these fabrics in the picture (i stocked up on solids. i had used them almost all up in my stash.), and looking at the pattern next to them. fun. and i look out that window, and watch the trees move, cause their limbs are in constant motion but not their roots, and i love how nestled i feel in my little corner of the forest.

next time someone asks me what i'm working on, i wonder if i can say, my blog, without feeling embarrassed that i do this. i wonder if i can feel a little more confident and okay about this. because it makes me happy, and happiness brings me toward my highest potential like nothing else.

bad ass superheroes save the flowers

i love this. i love so much right now, even in the midst of feeling very sad about a fight i am having with my sister, who is my best friend, i am loving. loving myself. loving my babies. loving my husband. loving my family. loving my friends. and loving my sister for sure.